Crazy Things People Say

In Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Phyllis Mumford is playing the role of Mae, who along with her husband, Gooper, is distrustful of Maggie, the Cat. They think she is pretending to be pregnant so that Big Daddy will give his inheritance to Brick, her drunken husband.
With all the smarmy arrogance she can muster, Phyllis says, "Here's your goopcase, briefer."

In Rosa Parks, Ruthanne Gaines acts as the character Rosa and a narrator, filling us in on the history of the civil rights movement.
In her most informative tone, Ruthanne says, "Throughout the movement, there were many unhung zeros."

We're doing Romeo and Juliet. The rehearsals include lots of swordfighting, dancing and blocking. Midway through one of the more difficult rehearsals, one of the actors approaches me and asks, "If we're already dead, and we don't dance, may we leave?"
I want that to be a chapter title in my first book.

In the same production, I am having trouble appreciating the chapeau that the costume designer has given to one of the actors, and let the designer know my concerns.
Her response: "If he had a character, the hat would work." Thats the title for chapter two.

We're doing Terra Nova, a drama about the Scott expedition to the South Pole, where Commander Scott and his crew are the first to reach the Pole, but freeze to death on the return. The playwright has a flowery way of writing stage directions. At one point in the script he says a character "...thrashes about wildly, blood gushes from his mouth, and he dies." Greg Leavengood, playing the doomed character, has been convinced that one way of creating this effect is to put stage blood in a condom, tie it off into a little ball, and at the appropriate time bite down on it, and the blood, under pressure, should spurt appropriately. Jim Perkey, another of the doomed crew, is to hold onto Greg and try to restrain him. At the appropriate moment, Greg bites on the condom, it flies from his mouth and bounces on the stage. Jim looks at the bouncing ball, grabs Greg even tighter and says, "My God! A blood clot!"
Perhaps chapter three?